User blog:Tommygun9504/Tommygun9504's Grenade Gazzette - 24th March 2012

Friends, mercenaries and terrorists, welcome back to the Grenade Gazzette. In this issue I bring you the Top 5 Things Not To Do in Combat Arms, bring you 5 instead of 3 weapon reviews, do some Loud Loadouts and finally, the Top 3 Ways to Piss Off People.

Before I start, I seem to have started a trend. SeaCrane 1 is now doing a weekly column called the Nutshot News, a name I probably should've used rather than give it to him. But anyway, what's done is done. Anyway, check SC's blog for his first volume. To celebrate, I added some (many) jokes and references about, but not at the expense of, SeaCrane. (They're all true, as well.)

Top 5 Things Not To Do in Combat Arms

 * 5: Do not play Neptune.

Neptune has become one of the most quickly-forgotten and avoided maps in all of Combat Arms. It's gotten to the point that if you don't have *exactly* the right loadout, you're done. This map still remains enjoyable on Quarantine, but anywhere else, and it just isn't fun anymore. Especially with SeaCrane's Arctic Wolf.


 * 4: Do not buy a MYST-G.

These crates are getting on my nerves. I've opened 5 cases, 4 have been useless, and given me 1 day crap. Until they make like the MYST-ABC series and remove 1 day items, I'm not buying another one. Also, just because SeaCrane got a 7 day USP Tactical doesn't mean you will too, so don't fall for it like I did!


 * 3: Do not run in front of SeaCrane's Double Barrel.

Seriously, don't do it.


 * 2: If your brother plays Combat Arms and has NX, do not let him gift SeaCrane a MYST-Mike.

He will get an M1866 and pwn you.


 * 1: Do not play against SeaCrane for the next 7 days.

He is heavily armed with such weapons as a USP Tactical, and the aforementioned M1866.

Weapon Reviews
G18 Cobra

Recommended by ShootyGuy and approved by yours truly, this makeshift SMG boasts a high fire rate, good accuracy and decent damage in the usual range for a non-power pistol. Can replace an SMG. Also good for annoying SeaCrane in a pistols only.

The Golden Gun

It's a two hit kill pistol, three at range, with the accuracy of... I don't know. Point is, it's accurate and powerful. You can snipe SeaCrane with this thing across Oil Rig, I tell you!

M249 Para

The new (Sub) Machine Gun. It's a powerful beast with a quick reload, light frame and it's accurate. SeaCrane will call you an NX Whore, a spray noob and a hacker all at once with this thing!

INSAS

A pretty ordinary weapon. Uses an ACOG sight without the special features. Fires quickly, it's pretty light. If you're good at getting headshots, use this gun. GP weapon, unlocked at 2LT 3. Unfortunately, not much good against SeaCrane. He'll bring his M1866 to bear on you before you can take action.

SPR

Since I joined a clan with some active members, I decided to buy an SPR. To be honest, it's a slight improvement on the M24. It's a two-hit kill, fast scoping in and out rate, with a faster recharge rate. I don't like bolt action rifles that aren't one hit kill. That said, SeaCrane's cannon fodder if you hit him after he's been weakened by a heavily-swearing Specialist.

Loud Loadouts
Just something new that I added. Pretty experimental.

Note that these are intended to work against SeaCrane.

Pistols Only Loadout

Gear: any. Speed gear recommended, as well as 3 slot backpack. (for evading SeaCrane)

Secondary Slot: The Golden Gun (for sniping SeaCrane)

Backpack A: G18 Cobra (For generally pissing off SeaCrane)

Backpack B: Anaconda Gold (For proving SeaCrane's friend's point about revolvers)

Backpack C: G18 (For bringing a touch of irony into the game after SeaCrane's friend threatens to bring a G18 if you don't stop using the G18 Cobra.)

Shotguns Only Loadout

Gear: Any gear. 3 slot backpack, for making SeaCrane's friend go "Oh my god, you have every weapon in the f***ing game... 1000 pistols, 1000 shotguns..."

Primary Slot: Saiga 20K Camo (for giving SeaCrane an excuse to call you a spray noob)

Backpack A: SPAS-12 Gold (Giving SeaCrane an excuse to call you an NX Whore)

Backpack B: R870 MCS (Proving SeaCrane wrong, after calling you a spray noob)

Backpack C: Double Barrel (For copying SeaCrane)

Snipers Only Loadout

Gear: Tanking gear. (Gives SeaCrane an excuse to call you a tanker)

Primary Slot: L96A1 Arctic Wolf (For copying SeaCrane. He doesn't have to know you only have it for one day.)

Backpack A: M39 EMR Desert (Gives SeaCrane an excuse to criticise you for finding a way to spray in Sniper Only.

Backpack B: SPR (For scoring hardscoping headshots on SeaCrane. Yes, SeaCrane, I admit it, I was hardscoping)

Backpack C: M110 SASS (So SeaCrane can steal it and die immediately after he does so)

Top 3 Ways To Piss Off People

 * 3: Throw smoke grenades in Fireteam.


 * 2: Do a CW on Grave Digger with FF on, camp in the map room, wait till just before your enemy attacks, then flashbang your team and run away.


 * 1: Mineblow from long range, using a grenade or a sniper rifle, then blame it on the guy who was with them.

A note to SeaCrane
If any or all of the jokes offend you, I'll take them off, but I'm sure you like them.