User blog:ILYx3/Do I Freaking Deserve This?

Random shitty blog >.> *Length= A million words*

This really isnt about Combat Arms. Ok a little. But still. There's this thing that still bugs me and i think noone would understand and would think its funny if i told them(my family, friends etc). I tried to post this issue on a teen help forum(enotlone.com), but its really hard to explain to the peeps there cause part of this issue is combat arms related, so its really annoying when i have to discuss the game rules and all that. I even posted this on the combat arms forums, but recently the nexon forums updated and i cant seem to find my thread anywhere :( I bet it was deleted or moved somewhere, cbb to look for it again. Ive always think if i deserved to have this loss or not. Its been bugging me for 3 weeks now. Pretty long right? This is kinda stupid to post it here, but since im at school(nothing to do>.>), ill just post this randomly and i hope noone would comment negatively or whatever i dont care. I like typing :P

Ok so good job, you have read up to this part. Probably most of you are gonna leave, look for another intresting blog to read at or do something worthwhile than waste 15 minutes on this blog. As the summary said, this blog has alot of QQing so its a warning. And its also very lengthy compared to my last blog. :o

So you guys are probably wondering what the heck was this issue that was bugging me for the past 3 weeks? Well ok this is gonna sound lame, but im gonna explain it from story.

You know how you go online and you chat to someone and you ended up being friends with them? Its a pretty good feeling right? Especially making friends on Combat Arms. (or on here:P) You would for example, be in a room and your "online" friend would be there with you. Dont online friends make your online gaming better in Combat Arms? When you talk to somone on Combat Arms you dont care or worry about your appearance to them and dont have to meet them in person. Just talk in words. Easy peasy. ''Well what if you were good friends with someone online, and then you lost them? ''This happened to me. I lost a pretty good friend in CA, due to some stupid problems and idk if i deserve to lose this friendship at all.

So anyways my best friend has a classmate who plays Combat Arms. Hes around her age(im 15 shes 12). My best friend always tells me how pro this kid is and how he can get an unbelievables..When i first met this kid, i thought he was a girl. Cause he had like a girl ign. But i found out later he was a nice kid, quiet at school and good at sports. I added him first even tho my best friend didnt told me to. Anyways we talked for a while. We werent as close as that or anything. When i go on, i was hoping he was on too. But he never talks to me first. I always have to make the convo. I guess we started to get close and he would talk to me more than my best friend since that night. ( dont think wrong :L)

Anyways my friend said this kid was quiet at school. I finally found out he hangs by himself at school near the science block. He does talk to people sometimes but doesnt really hang out with them. How did i found out? Well it started out like this. Me, my best friend and him were playing Quarentine Overdose. My friend started to QQ just cause he kept killing her. They started to fight i guess. Like little kids which they are. Which comes to the point of my best friend's comeback was " No wonder you have no friends" I guess he got offended by this comment and kicked her out of mercy. (he was the super elite -.-) My best friend was right next to me when we were playing Ca. My friend got really mad saying stuff like"what a loner etc" She started calling him a loner and i got offended. Cause i used to be like this kid when i was in year 7 for a little while so i know what if feels like. No wonder he kicked her. So i told her to apologized to him. After a few complaints she apologized and they were friends again.

I wanted to help this kid so that night when we were both on, i bought the issue up to him. All he said was "i dont hang out with my friends because they are boring." etc. Finally he admitted that he used to be popular at primary and thats its kinda hard to make friends at highschool.Cause theres too much people. I started to gave him advice. Then we started talking about our school, family etc. I guess we got close after this convo:)

Afterwards whenever i go on, he would always message me first. Either that or i will. He would talk to me more often that to my best friend. And he would always try to find a room (or tell me to) for both of us to play in. It was all well, when BAM. We got a huge fight.

It all started when i got rage kicked in a non elite moderator room and previous rooms. I was so mad because people dont acknowledge my skills but kicked me instead.That kid then went back to the game lobby and started message me saying " LOL FAIL" It was kinda flattering u know. Cause my best friend wouldnt go out of the game lobby to see how i was, but he did.I guess i was mad at that time so i dont accept jokes like that. So i was like "stfu. dont talk to me" He then stopped talking to me, cause i did to him and he was all messaging to me best friend stuff like " Your friend has anger issues" This made me even madder -.-

Anyways later all three of us played another game of Quarentine. Anyways theres this other player who called him a hacker(really common). He and the other player got into a fight, which leads to other fights. They tried to kick each other but it wasnt successful. So i was like to him and other player" Shutup and play. stop complaining" Ok the reason i said this was because he always in most games, kick someone and harrasses sometimes. -.- Anyways while i was trying to walk to the platform(near the elevator with the vents as one entrance to go in) he blocked me. Im serious. i was so mad i vote kick him. i didnt know what was wrong with me. Vote kicking my friend like that. He vote kicked me afterwards and unsuccessful. We didnt talk after that. Later the room kicked him because he was so harrassment little bitch and some think he was hacking(hes legit)

Anyways when i finished the game, my messenger was blinking. He messenged me a bunch of swearing words, saying what a bitch i was, saying how he seen alot of shitty people like me, not defending him cus im his friend blahblah.he deleted me after this and kicked me out of our clan. Since i didnt relog, i can still talk on the clan chat. So i was like to him"Stop harrassing people in the game rooms. You always harrass people. and try to kick atleast one person in every game" He started to defend himself. I was like"what did i do wrong?" he started saying random stuff, but he didnt actually say what i did wrong, meaning i didnt do anything in reality. Well not that much. "Fine. bye then " and i relogged. He was all mad at me and all that, so i figured this friendship had comes to an end. I was kinda upset about this.

Less than an hour later, while i was playing with my best friend(i had a slepover at her house. it was 12 am lol), i looked down at my chat screen. And that kid whispered me. I swear i was so shocked. I thought he was all mad at me and he wouldnt talk to me at all. He was like" ummmm.... im sorry for being a douchebag." I was like "sighs"(no reply) "fine i forgive u w.e " and he was like ":D" but didnt talk after that. Before he went off, he told my friend that he was really sorry to me.

The next day i added him but i didnt talk to him. I was just waiting for him to talk to me first. He didnt. Then the weird thing was we played a room together. He didnt talk to me but he did mention my name once saying i kick this person for him but i didnt reply to him. Then my friend asked him if he was still angry at me he always said no. Then he deleted me. I ve no idea what this kid was up to. I tried to think of ways to talk to him back ask him why. He probably thinks i was still mad at him and delete me for that. Or he didnt want to be friends anymore.

3 weeks later i got the courage and whispered him "......" his replied straightway saying "Are you still mad?" i was like "y u delete me? how could u?" then he didnt reply. I was all straightfoward "if u dont want to be friends anymore thats fine. but i just wanted to say sorry i was such a jerk two weeks ago." His reply was " o.o" and we stopped whispering after that.

Anyways i felt better after i whispered to him. finally telling him that im sorry. I feel like i can let him go now. Little by little. People on the teen help forums been telling me to ditch him. Hes not intrested in you any more. Thats what they told me. But he was such a nice kid. Whenever i talked to him, i immediatly felt happy and combat arms was much more fun with him around. If i was in need of money, he would gift me. I just cant believe in less than 2 months our friendship was over. Im tryin to accept this but i cant :(

I really want to be friends with him or ATLEAST why he deleted me at the first place. I dont wanna add him again and get deleted. I dont wanna be annoying and be like"please be friends:(" cause im not sure if hes still intrested in me or not anymore... Im trying to think of ways like telling my best friend to join his room and i join after. But its so awkward... Hes even spending less time talking to my best friend also. According to my best friend " he doesnt talk to me as much after you and him had a fight weeks ago."

Pretty lame problem right? Anyways what should i do? whos right or wrong? idk cause this is my side of the story. but im trying to explain the whole story. not just mines, to balance the problem.

Whatcha think? I can tell you guys who this person is, but im scared that somone would read this and tell him what i wrote on here. Awkward...

Phew what a long blog. its feels better writing it on here. Idk if anyone read up to here yet and understand it but thanks whoever it is.. :P

I just want this friendship back but idk how. How to make the guy forgive me?